You know I am always here to speak the truths to you that they are afraid to teach you in school... Here are the latest revelations I have received:

I realized how close my co-worker and I were when I peed on her floor and said, "Oh... sorry."

Kermit the Frog is the most emasculating/occultic role model to represent the male gender before young children.

The movie Thank You for Smoking is an autobiography of what my life would look like had Jesus not caught me. If it not for his grace, I would surely be a tobacco lobbyist to this day.

Jackie can actually be just as sarcastic and cruel as I can... I think I'm running off on her.

It is in fact easier to purchase new boxers than clean old ones.

There is such a thing as relational honesty and the most deceptive lie can be stating the truth in a relationally dishonest way.

The new Green Tea Latte was divinely inspired by God through Michael the Archangel disguised as a barista in downtown Seattle. He prefers it with soy and only half the melon syrup.

I actually have a very nice singing voice, as long as I am alone in the car and blasting Jason Gay's "I'm Not Going Down" - and no one can prove me wrong.